


Between Hither and You

by safelikespringtime



Series: Oh, The Places You'll Go! [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Bisexual Spencer Reid, Coming Out, Daddy Spencer Reid, Dialogue Heavy, Drug Abuse, Episode: s04e06 The Instincts, Episode: s04e07 Memoriam, Gay Derek Morgan, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mentioned Abuse, Mentioned Drug Abuse, N-B Spencer Reid, Non Binary Spencer Reid, Non-Binary Spencer Reid, Past Abuse, Past Drug Use, Spencer Reid is a dad, mentioned overdose, non-canon non-binary character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25379257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/safelikespringtime/pseuds/safelikespringtime
Summary: “I have a son.”Derek froze, his gaze darting up over Spencer’s features in shock, “Please dear god tell me we didn’t just meet him at the hospital.”***Pre- On You Will Go. Derek finds out about Theo. Title taken from 'Oh, the Places You'll Go' by Dr. Seuss.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Series: Oh, The Places You'll Go! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837858
Comments: 5
Kudos: 141





	Between Hither and You

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE NOTE THE TAGS. TRIGGER WARNINGS ON ,MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MENTIONS OF DRUG ABUSE, AND MENTIONS OF OVERDOSE. READ WITH CARE, IF THESE TOPICS ARE TRIGGERING TO YOU, PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE.
> 
> **
> 
> \--again, a lot of dialogue, it's my writing style at this point.
> 
> \--and again, a big thank you to @dreamsofaplantboy for proof reading. i still love you

**_On and on you will hike,  
And I know you’ll hike far  
and face up to your problems  
whatever they are.  
– Dr. Seuss_ **

_The room was dark and cold, and a pungent musk invaded their senses as Reid made their way down the rickety stairs into the basement of the house. The flashlight in hand cast a thin beam across the room, sweeping left and right alongside their firearm in search of the missing child. Time was running out, Spencer knew it. The beam caught sight of a small shoe sticking out from behind the dryer in the far corner. Reid glanced behind themself to where their team should have been descending the staircase, to find a vast nothingness behind. They turned back around to where the shoe had been, now tucked away, and the grip on their gun tightened ever so slightly as they took the remaining few steps to the dryer turning quickly to find a terrified looking Theo, and a thick hand clasped over his mouth. Panic seared through Spencer’s body and everything they had ever learned in life escaped them, the flashlight and gun clattering to the ground in front of them before they could even get a look at their sons captor. A shot fired, and Spencer’s ears rang as the sound echoed through the basement before they let out a scream._

“Spencer, _Spencer_ ,” Derek’s grip on their shoulders tightened and Spencer’s eyes flew open, panic reading clear as day across their face.  
“We’ve got to save him!” they gasped out, hands coming up to grip Derek’s forearms.  
Derek squeezed their shoulders again, shushing lightly, “Baby, hey. Hey…you were dreaming. It was a dream, it’s okay,” he soothed, and Spencer’s brain registered the room they were in. _It was a dream. Just a dream._  
“What’s going on? What is it?” The panicked mother rushed downstairs, followed close behind by the father, and Spencer’s chest tightened as they realised that they’d been screaming in their dream and it had probably woken the parents and given them quite a fright.  
Morgan gave them a sympathetic smile, before turning away from Reid towards the parents, apologising profusely for the disturbance.

After Derek had calmed the parents back to bed, he knelt back down in front of Spencer, bringing his hand up to hold the side of their face, “What’s going on in that big old brain of yours, pretty boy?” he asked quietly, voice so sincere and full of concern that Spencer didn’t even react to the gendered term.  
“I’ve been dreaming,” Spencer breathed out, unable to resist leaning their cheek into the gentle warmth of Derek’s palm. “Nightmares – did you know that…fear isn’t the only reason a lot of people have nightmares? In fact—” they stopped themself, twisting their fingers in their lap, “I’ve been having some form of this nightmare since I was little, and this is the first time I’ve felt genuine fear from it.”

*** 

“Does the name Riley Jenkins mean anything to you?” Derek asked, and Spencer thought back to the name, shaking their head slowly. Derek took their hand carefully, thumb grazing over their knuckles, “Think back to when you were a little boy.”  
Spencer swallowed the lump that rose in their throat, tightening their hold on Derek’s hand, “Please don’t call me that,” they whispered. Derek’s brow furrowed at the request, eyes piercing into Spencer’s own in such a way they could hardly get their bearings. “This isn’t the time or place I wanted to do this but…I’m non-binary. And we’ll talk about it more later but please stop calling me a boy.”  
Derek parted his lips to say something, shocked at the information and feeling a sinking feeling of shame for making Spencer feel so uncomfortable, instead of questioning it, he just nodded, pressing a quick kiss to their temple, “Okay. So Riley…”  
“I had…” Spencer let out a shaken breath, releasing Derek’s hand to twist their fingers together, knuckles popping at the action, “I had an imaginary friend named Riley when I was little.”  
  


***

“You’re staying,” Diana stated, looking up at Spencer where they hovered above her, receiving a nod in response. “But you’re not bringing my grandson?”  
Spencer shook their head slowly, fingers twisting in the strap of their satchel, “It’s not strictly for pleasure so I didn’t wanna bring him up if I don’t get much time out.”  
Diana nodded, humming to herself, “Have you told Agent Morgan?”  
“What? Why would I…why would I do that?” the words rushed out of their lips quickly, panic glazing over their expression.  
“A mother knows, Spencer,” she grinned, reaching up to take their hand, “Does he make you happy?”  
Spencer nodded, leaning down to kiss their mother's forehead, “He does. I gotta go back to the hotel, but I’ll come see you tomorrow, okay?”  
Diana nodded, giving a small grin as she watched them leave.

It wasn’t until a few hours later that Spencer made their way back to the hotel room to find Morgan and Rossi in their room watching daytime television. Spencer wasn’t exactly mad that they’d stayed behind—they were grateful—but this was something that they’d wanted to do alone, something that had haunted them for most of their life, something they needed to work out themselves.

***

The next few days were a blur of mixed emotions and experiences that Spencer wished they never had to pull up. It was a hard reality to face, but end of the day they were glad that they had Derek here and Rossi to help them through it.

By the time they landed back in Quantico, Spencer was ready for nothing but a hot shower, a short cry, and a hug from their son. But JJ had just given birth, and Morgan was eager to meet the new member of their team.  
“You coming with us?” Morgan asked, stealing a quick kiss while Rossi was looking at his phone.  
Spencer shook their head, “I really just wanna go home, get some sleep…”  
“Baby,” the word came out soft, barely above a whisper, and Derek’s eyes burned into Spencer’s with all the care in the world, “Five minutes. Just to see JJ and the baby, and then I’ll drive you home.”  
Spencer wanted to argue, so eager to see Theo after such a long week that they had been tempted to pay the insane cab fares, but the way Morgan was watching them, the fact they would be the only member of the team that wasn’t there to meet the baby. They gave a defeated sigh, agreeing with a quiet, “Five minutes.”

Spencer hadn’t been there when Theo was born, they hadn’t met him until he was almost a week old…and holding Henry, this small, fragile human being, so fresh to life. It was something that took their breath away.  
“I figure that once Henry’s old enough, he and Theo can have play dates,” JJ murmured, looking at Spencer with a fond smile.  
“Theo would love that…” Spencer hesitated, brushing their thumb over Henry’s features, taking in the fact a human could be this small. “I’m gonna tell Derek about him tonight. He deserves to know.”  
JJ nodded, reaching to squeeze Spencer’s arm, “I’m proud of you, Spence. Let me know how it goes first thing tomorrow or by Monday I’ll tell Garcia about you and Derek and your little relationship will be top news all over the Bureau.”

***

“Get some sleep, baby,” Derek murmured, leaning across the centre console to kiss them. “Call me if you need anything.”  
Spencer pursed their lips as Derek pulled away, tucking their hair behind their ear nervously. They couldn’t believe they were doing this. Even JJ had never actually met Theo, she just knew he existed and had seen a picture every few months. This was a big step in their relationship. “Actually…can you come up?” they asked him, lashes casting long shadows over their cheeks as they avoided eye contact. “I have something I want to—someone I want to…”  
“I can’t stay the night, I gotta get Clooney but…yeah I can come up if you’d like,” Derek said quickly, noting their unease. Within a few seconds, they were out of the car and rounding it to help Spencer out, holding them tight against his chest the moment their feet hit the ground. “I love you. You can tell me anything, you know that.”

Spencer let Derek into the apartment, pacing circles in the front room for a moment, before they moved to the bookshelf, pulling out a book – Oh, Baby, the Places You’ll Go.  
“This book…it was written by an author called Tish Rabe—she’s a popular children’s author—adapted from the works of Theodor Geisel – more commonly known as Dr. Seuss – and includes all of these popular characters from his works. Uhm...so it’s an introductory to the world of Dr Seuss and made to read to your baby while they’re still in the womb,” they let out a breath of a laugh, knowing that they’d not had that chance to so with Theo.  
“You brought me up here to tell me about a baby book?” Derek frowned at them slightly.  
“I have a son.”  
Derek froze, his gaze darting up over Spencer’s features in shock, “Please dear god tell me we didn’t just meet him at the hospital.”  
Spencer let out a loud laugh, the first they’d managed since leaving, “No. No, Henry is definitely JJ and Will’s child. I, uh,” they hesitated, flipping through the book to the back page where a photo of themself and Theo was tucked away, looking at him a moment before speaking again, “The first page of the book says ‘baby, oh, baby, the places you’ll go, the world you will visit, the friends you will know’. I’ve kept him so hidden away from everyone. I read this to him every day when he was a baby, but I haven’t shown him the possibilities behind it because I’m terrified someone will get wind of him and one day, he’ll be the kid we’re looking for. I kept…seeing him, in my dreams about Riley Jenkins and it just…”  
Derek frowned, but didn’t press the statement, it was a valid concern to have. Hell, if he had kids of his own, he’d be hesitant about anyone knowing their existence too.  
“Stay here,” Spencer glanced at Derek, as they closed the book at putting it back in the shelf where it belonged, “I’ll be back in a moment.”

Spencer returned a few minutes later with a tired young boy clinging to them around their neck. Derek could immediately see that Theo was a mirror image of Spencer, and when he really looked closely, there were a lot of similarities between Theo and the young boy on the case they’d worked at the beginning of this week, it was understandable to him as to why it may have stirred up a lot of Spencer’s feelings towards the Riley Jenkins case, as to why Theo appeared in place of Riley in his dreams.  
“Theo, this is Derek.”  
Theo peered at Derek after being turned in Spencer’s arms with big doe eyes, scrutinising his every expression, keeping his chubby fingers gripped tightly to the collar of Spencer’s button down, “Hi Deck. M’Theo,” he finally murmured, tucking his head up under Spencer’s chin, free hand coming forward.  
Derek smiled, reaching to take Theo’s hand, shaking it gently, “Hi Theo, it’s lovely to meet you,” he greeted, voice soft, gaze flickering up to Spencer’s as he released the boys hand. “How old are you?”  
“I’m four. How old are you?” Theo asked past a yawn.  
Derek smiled a little, “I’m thirty-three.”  
Theo seemed to contemplate the answer a moment, before giving Derek a small nod, turning back to Spencer, “Da, I’m sleepy.”  
Spencer glanced at Derek, “Can you wait here, I’m sorry. I’ll be right back,” they breathed, waiting for Derek to respond, before slipping down the hall to Theo’s room.  
They helped their son change into a fresh pair of pyjamas, before tucking him into bed, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, “I love you, Theo. I’ll see you in the morning, we’ll make pancakes for breakfast.”  
Theo smiled sleepily up at his Da, giving a small wave before cuddling into his bed, dozing off before Spencer had made it out of the room.

“Spence, he’s gorgeous,” Derek said, as Spencer returned to the room, chewing at his bottom lip, “He was born after you started working with us…” there was more behind the statement, a question…or a series of questions, really. Spencer could hear them, filling up the space between them. _Who’s the mother? Why haven’t you told any of us? Who knows? Is his mother still around?_  
“Her name was Lisa. We were on again off again for like a year or so,” Spencer moved to the kitchen to prepare them each a cup of coffee, motioning for Derek to take a seat, noting that he opted for the couch, welcoming Spencer to lead the conversation. “When we first met each other she was a year sober from drug use, but I didn’t know that at the time. It was…it wasn’t a healthy relationship, really,” they mumbled, bringing the mugs over to the sofa, curling themself up on the opposite side, clutching to the hot drink as if it were a lifeline. “When a person abuses drugs, the chemicals in their brain are…rewired to seek out the substance, despite any consequences of their behaviour. And anything can trigger a relapse into that addiction, the need for the high. This can result in irrational, violent, controlling behaviour within a relationship. Nearly 80% of domestic violence is a result of drug abuse. And I just…ended up a part of that statistic. I knew it wasn’t healthy and I knew that she was struggling, and I wanted to help her, but the further into the job I got the worse she got, said I was neglecting her. Which—I probably was, but I know that doesn’t excuse her violence.”  
“Spence,” Derek frowned, reaching across to touch their knee gently.  
Spencer shook their head, “We broke up a few months after I started and then I get a call from her mother saying she’s pregnant and that she’s using again. We tried to keep her healthy, but there’s only so much you can do when someone doesn’t want help. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to keep the focus of my job separate to the focus of what was happening with Lisa. The doctors said that if the baby made it full term that he would probably come out with an addiction, and that there was a high chance it would lead to an increased risk of seizures, depression, schizophrenia, and Parkinson’s as he grows up. And y’know, my mum…” they took a shaky breath, shifting across the couch to cuddle into Derek, “He was born at 35 weeks, we were in Texas at the time. And by the time we made it back a few days later, Lisa had overdosed. For a while, her mother helped out with Theo and it was nice, but she passed away from pre-existing health conditions before his first birthday. Now it’s just us two and…Mariam upstairs. She watches him when I’m away. Like his adoptive Grandma.”  
Derek was quiet for a few minutes, keeping his arm tucked firmly around Spencer as he soaked up the information. It was a lot to take in and hard to know that all this had been going on and none of the team knew about it. Spencer’s strength and resilience to the hardships of life would never fail to amaze him, Derek was in awe.  
“I love you, Spencer Reid…” he finally whispered, nosing into the messy curls that framed his partner's face, “Every day you give me another reason to love you and I’m just…I’m so proud of you. And I’m glad you’ve told me about Theo—did you really name him after Dr Seuss?”  
Spencer laughed, tucking themself further into Derek’s comforting hold, “I did,” they breathed, reaching a hand up to pull Derek down, pressing their lips together with ease. “I love you too,” they murmured against his mouth.  
  
Derek did end up staying the night, despite his earlier comment, arms wrapped firmly around Spencer’s waist. And the following morning they had a discussion on Spencer’s gender and pronouns over a breakfast of homemade pancakes, Derek easily fitting into the little family Spencer and Theo had made.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to those who commented on On You Will Go, your kind words meant a lot and prompted me to continue writing. I love this little universe I've created so again, if you would like to hear more from this little family let me know!


End file.
